@actuallyautistic
How do you explain the depth of joy and enchantment that you can feel, from seeing a single wildflower growing out of the rubble of an abandoned lot. Or how you can feel the flight of birds swooping and darting through the sky. The wind in the trees making you sway and laugh to the rhythm of their song. Or communing with a blade of grass, glistening and shimmering with the sunlight caught in its dew. How all these single moments can stretch into an eternity and depth that is hard to escape from. Or how the puzzles you can see in them can spread and interact. The pieces coming to you from all the connections of that single moment.
How do you explain how you feel and see and understand so much. How it affects you and how you can interact with it. The depth of your feelings, of the rawness of your emotions. How your soul can dance to a tune played over and over again. How your body moves to the rhythms of the world it's immersed in. All the joy, the sadness, the contentment and frustration spilling out into a dance of its own. A communication of your own part in all of this, the song you're adding to the whole. In the sounds and movements, the gestures and repetitions.
How do you explain any of this to a world that doesn't see it, or understand it. To a world that only sees what it wants to and to understand only what's true for it. Who will misunderstand and blame, who will censure and try to erase all that we are saying and all that we are expressing. Who will spend all their energy trying to convert us into them. How can we learn to trust ourselves. To let our song grow and mature and learn to see it's worth and the path we should always have been on, How can we do this when all we can see is that we are alone and that they are many and always singing the same song, in the various ways of love and hate and so all we can do is to learn to mask early. To deny and ignore our very selves in self-defence. To eventually learn to see only our wrongness and their rightness and then carry that always through our life, the final barrier between us and who we could have become.
#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic
How do you explain the depth of joy and enchantment that you can feel, from seeing a single wildflower growing out of the rubble of an abandoned lot. Or how you can feel the flight of birds swooping and darting through the sky. The wind in the trees making you sway and laugh to the rhythm of their song. Or communing with a blade of grass, glistening and shimmering with the sunlight caught in its dew. How all these single moments can stretch into an eternity and depth that is hard to escape from. Or how the puzzles you can see in them can spread and interact. The pieces coming to you from all the connections of that single moment.
How do you explain how you feel and see and understand so much. How it affects you and how you can interact with it. The depth of your feelings, of the rawness of your emotions. How your soul can dance to a tune played over and over again. How your body moves to the rhythms of the world it's immersed in. All the joy, the sadness, the contentment and frustration spilling out into a dance of its own. A communication of your own part in all of this, the song you're adding to the whole. In the sounds and movements, the gestures and repetitions.
How do you explain any of this to a world that doesn't see it, or understand it. To a world that only sees what it wants to and to understand only what's true for it. Who will misunderstand and blame, who will censure and try to erase all that we are saying and all that we are expressing. Who will spend all their energy trying to convert us into them. How can we learn to trust ourselves. To let our song grow and mature and learn to see it's worth and the path we should always have been on, How can we do this when all we can see is that we are alone and that they are many and always singing the same song, in the various ways of love and hate and so all we can do is to learn to mask early. To deny and ignore our very selves in self-defence. To eventually learn to see only our wrongness and their rightness and then carry that always through our life, the final barrier between us and who we could have become.
#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic
Curious Magpie •
I am beginning to wonder if the beauty and joy and enchantment somehow triggers pain for the destroyers.
Hugs4friends ♾🇺🇦 🇵🇸😷 hat dies geteilt