my spirit will forever rest at that park, watching over and/or haunting it

i seriously gotta stop thinking about death so much

constantly in the back of my mind every waking moment is like "these could be my last moments alive" like what if there's another shooting here and they miss and it goes thru the wall and hits me and i'm just dead in an instant and never even got the chance to see it coming

i think about this way too much

and that's to say nothing of the constant intense fear of being hate crimed every moment i'm out in public

At least that one I don't have to worry too much about with my experience driving off attackers using field expedient weapons. Let them come, and I will show they they just tried to bash the wrong queer. Each time it happens again, instead of panic I get "here we go again" and familiar reactions kick into gear.