Right! The 'not broken' piece is so important for autistic kids (and adults probably). Different, for sure. In need of mechanisms for dealing with an NT world - definitely. Broken? Not at all.

Yeah, that's one of two things that I talk about *a lot*

1) I lived up until I was 40 thinking that I was "broken", because everyone else *obviously* have the same challenges I do, and *they* can handle it! (no ... no they don't. Most *really* don't <.<)

2) I'm still not fully sure who I am underneath the mask, and I've been working on that since '22 ... I've been "playing a role" my entire life, without ever even *realising* it, and early on I had this deepseated fear that ... what if I unmask fully and realise that there's nothing left? That the true me died years ago? At this point I'm pretty sure that's not true (part of my core self is wanting to be kind and do least harm--not to people-please/avoid "offense" but to avoid *hurting* others) but it's still a scary ghost <.<

I'veheard so much about girls masking their autism really successfully.

My big sis is seeking a DX right now - aged 57. She's convinced but the challenge is the DX criteria are clear: you cannot acquire autism. You are born autistic. However, in a world where girls mask, the DX process doesn't work brilliantly, because parents will say, rightly, that their daughter didn't show autistic traits as a child.

So for her this is a problem: she presented 100% NT until later in life.

the drs (and parents? <.<) she's dealing with are ableist assholes.

I can 100% say that she didn't present allistic, and I don't even know her ;)

But yeah. There's *so* much stereotypes going around. And too many refuse to recognise that autism isn't "what others can perceive". Yes, part of it can occasionally be perceived by others ... but it's what it looks like from *our side* that really matters.

Part of the masking-for-girls also splashes onto other groups, for similar reasons: we're raised (whether intentionally or not) to handle other people's (the "more important ones") feelings. Which means making *us* less, and smaller, and do what makes others feel comfortable, even if we suffer for it (now to be clear: I'm not saying that those raised as white boys *never* end up being taught those lessons, just that it's a different thing for people perceived as girls, or in other ways "marginalized").

Well in my sis's case, she has multiple, serious mental health issues too, so working out what is really going on, is very difficult. In her case, she really does want a diagnosis whether it is accurate or not, because it helps her cope with the world.

I don't think that's a massive problem TBH, though if she is not autistic (and I've no idea) then misdiagnosis as a kind of support won't really do too much for her and isn't great for people who are autistic.

It's really difficult.