#ActuallyAutisticElder here. Those things you have described are as much a part of being Autistic, as the stimming and being an introvert.

Autistic traits are usually human traits, so it's really easy to think "well everyone does that so I can't be autistic". Similarly, there might be lots of things you're already doing that look neurotypical but are actually autistic traits. For example, as a long-haired female, I will constantly play with my hair when it's down, which looks "normal" on the outside but is actually a kind of soothing stim.

It tends to be the intensity of a feeling that sets an autistic person apart. That something is that little bit louder or harder or more difficult than a neurotypical person might find it.

People's profiles tend to be really spiky as well. Lots of autistic people thrive in social situations and it fuels them. For others it can be hugely draining and require days of recovery time. There are no rules!

What can be helpful is hanging around the #ActuallyAutistic community, hearing about other people's stories, and seeing what resonates with you.

And whether you get a diagnosis or not, if there's something you don't understand about yourself or want help with, it's almost guaranteed someone else is going through something similar and has some tips. I've learnt so much about my own wiring by talking to people here!

There is no one size fits all autism. We all tend to have our own spiky skills sets and unique profiles. We can thrive in some circumstances and fail completely in others. Often it's to do with whether we are interested in something, other times it maybe because of the environment we are expected to perform in. Sensory issues and processing is a large factor. We can often appear contradictory and inconsistent about things, at some moments being highly proficient, at other times unable, or barely able, to do something.
This is all part of why realising you are autistic is a process and also why it can be difficult for an external observer to see it in you. And yet in some way we can recognise and understand each other, in the ways we never have with virtually anyone else. The more time you spend reading and interacting with autistics, the more you will see yourself and in turn be recognised. It is a form of peer review, more accurate than any measurement.

@actuallyautistic

An “uneven profile of abilities” is one of the characteristics of autism.

One of the best articles on this:

https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

@actuallyautistic Thanks for this. It's good to learn new things and as it turns out my understanding of autism wasn't understanding at all.

It's still difficult to understand, but I'm starting to get it a bit more. Here's to future understanding!

@actuallyautistic

There's often conversation about the fact that ... we don't know what an autist without trauma looks like. What autism would look like without the people-pleasing and masking box that many of us are pushed into.

And this is also core of the stereotypes of autism. "Everyone" knows that "real autists" are shut down, staring at a wall, rocking and hitting their heads into the wall. But that's not true. You know what type of autist does that? One that is *currently stressed out of their mind* and traumatised by it. We shut down (which is an internalised form, more or less, of a meltdown) because we have been overstimulated: too much noise, too bright lights, clothes that are itching, too many people ... And not allowed (or knowing how to) cope with this. Stimming helps us drain some of that stimulation, to hopefully have us *not* end up in that extreme stress that people claim is "just how real autists are".

It is not a coincidence at all that I didn't start thinking "could I be autistic?" until after I became a parent - up until that time I could mostly just avoid or leave overwhelming situations and choose comfort whenever possible (had a lot of privilege in my earlier life), and then suddenly I found out what happens when I literally cannot leave the source of the overstimulation 😬
@Dale_Poole @nellie_m @pythno @actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Same, I only realised I might be more than a bit ND after parenthood took a wrecking ball to the lifestyle I'd built for myself. It was only then I could see why I wasn't thriving like many others seemed to, my self-imposed boundaries were my safe place and my prison. I can thank my kids for that, though I could do without the panic attacks and meltdowns.

I believe that 'outside pressures' create problems with parenting. 'Baby should be doing this' at a certain age, causes anxiety, because most of us need to do things just right. Most of the time, I enjoyed being a Mum. Like being self-employed. @3TomatoesShort @melindrea @Dale_Poole @nellie_m @pythno @actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

I spent a lot of time in the library too. I had a couple of good friends, but I was mainly weird and bullied. Thankfully the librarian was wonderful (and it helped that I was trusted enough to do a lot of stuff with the computers, helping out with that).

There's a word in Swedish that translates as "little old". Someone that acted much older than their age. Not necessarily in the "grew up too early due to trauma" type of maturity, but with grown-up thoughts and vocabulary while far from being that. I was often called that: Lillgammal

Reading was my escape, my comfort, and my joy. I also spent quite a bit of time on my own, or with other lame ducks. @Zumbador @pythno @melindrea @actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Interesting that at least some of us appear to be much better at written than spoken communication. That's me, too. But the one year I was a college lecturer in philosophy, I discovered that nearly all of my students were the opposite! They seemed quite articulate in classroom discussions, but they could barely connect one sentence with the next on paper. Maybe inversion of this order of skills is a typical autistic trait?