The topics from the last few weeks have not been the happiest ones. And I am bummed about that. I’m sad that things have been so gloomy, painful, and hard. I wanna write about good things, positive things, joyful ones. Because that also means that I am doing better as well. I could still write about good times, but they’re short lived, overshadowed by the pain, the worries, the darkness in my mind. 😔

I know I should focus on the good things, as they’re the ones that I need to keep me going. But when you’re in pain with every step that you take, when you have to check your funds with every thing that you need, when your dog is getting older and her health starts to struggle (and cost more)… It so hard to keep holding on to the positives, as the negatives are so strong and plenty. But… I will try! I am not ready to give up! 💪🏼

Arwen’s health is struggling some. She’s almost 11½, and she still seems to enjoy most of the daily bits and bops. She’s usually eager for walkies, especially when N&B (my neighbor from down the street and her dog) are involved. N usually takes treats with her, so that’s like Labrador heaven! 😇 Since Arwen started the arthritis meds, she’s even enjoying walkies better again. She’d been struggling some in the past, and I thought it was her age, as she showed no real signs of discomfort. But when she got pain meds for her ear infection, she started walking better and more again. So now, she’s on (expensive) arthritis injections, but they’re totally worth the money as she’s been enjoying the walkies a lot again! 😁 Seeing Arwen enjoy the walks, getting cuddles with her, wagging tails, silly selfies, loud snores, sneaky and smelly farts… I love this gall to bits and when that saddest day should come, I’d be devastated for sure. But until then, she’s one of the most positive beings that lift up my mood and enhance my life. 💜🐾💜

https://flic.kr/p/2pUqboV

My little house. Well, my rented little house. There’s still loads to do that will need money, energy, time, and help. But… I have the little house that I wanted. No more stairs to get home for me and Arwen. No loud neighbors all around me, just one barking dog to one side now, unfortunately… Less heating costs, so it’s a bit warmer for Arwen and me now. 😊 Which is very nice, to be honest… The gardens need a lot of work, weeds love them. But doing a garden also means that you need money and energy… Hopefully I can work on that some next year. I would love to get the whole house and gardens done ASAP, but I know it’s not in my budget. Little steps, slowly making the house a home. I plan to be there for quite some time, so I have time to make it all work. And, hopefully, I’ll find some funds, and some friends will be able to help. My apartment usually was at a max of 17°C, due to costs. But the house is at 18,5°C and it’s less expensive and more comfortable. So that’s really a big win! 😁

https://flic.kr/p/2q8M5ko

I have clothes, some don’t fit too well die to my Wright shifting so much. Would I like some new clothes? Sure! But the ones I do have are OK enough and keep me from being cold and naked 😜. I have gadgets to entertain me. Would I like new ones? Better ones? Sure! I’m a sucker for nice tech…. But I am grateful for the things I have. I have Skoosh, a lovely little car that’s quite economical and drives like a charm. Thanks to my folks, I can get everywhere with some fun and safety. 😊 I have food and drink. Would I prefer some luxurious food at times? Well, not really as I am a picky eater…. But some basic foods have price tags these days that almost make them look like luxurious foods…. 🫣

https://flic.kr/p/2phK2Vh

I have some sweet family, not too much though, as most couldn’t deal with my (undiagnosed) spicy-ness 🌶️ and I could deal with their rudeness… I have some lovely friends, both off- as online. There is the FediVerse that has a bunch of the coolest folks around, that accept me for who I am… Which is awesome. 🌟

There are loads of things that are potivive, for which I am grateful! 💜 But it’s so hard to keep drawing strength from that, while you are in pain. When you can’t do the things you love. When you can’t enjoy your hobbies. Or when you can’t afford something that you need, because prices are just crazy! When you want to help a friend in need, but you can’t, due to funds and your location… When you worry over your own health, and the health of loved ones. When you sometimes feel lonely and in need of some support and/or understanding.

Think positive! I am trying! But pain, less energy, less sleep, less money, more worries… These are big interferences. And, of course, that hormonal change has started for me as well, so my mood and all can be all over the place, swinging harder than a swing in a tornado! 🌪️

https://flic.kr/p/2pVxp7o

I am not giving up! I am trying to work on the positives. I have PT (physical therapy) as much as my insurance will allow me to have. I try to keep exercising, as much as my body and brain will allow. I’m waiting for my appointment at the hospital for my painful hip. I try to enjoy all my time with Arwen. I treasure the time I get chatting with my (online) friends.

But… I need to write about the hard stuff as well. I need to get it out of my system. I need to vent my frustration. I need to show that life isn’t always fair. I’m not here to just write about the good bits, as there’s so many bad ones around as well. People usually only want to share the good stuff, and then they don’t understand that others don’t “get their struggles”. When you never share them, how can others understand? When there’s only the good stuff, how can others know about the times that weren’t that good? People can’t really understand what they don’t know about…

https://flic.kr/p/2pW5huC

I don’t wanna be this complaining annoying person that only rants on how messed up life is… Sure, it happens, but I also try to mention the good stuff. Just lately, the bad stuff was in abundance… 😔

But 2025 just started. There’s loads of days left for the good things. So let’s try to think positive, let’s embrace the good stuff, let’s cherish the positives that come along the way! And one thing that I’ll need to keep reminding myself of: not be good to others alone, but also be good to yourself. 🌈

To be continued…

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