People spent 50 years telling me that what people look like doesn't matter and then they expect me to recognize people by their appearance.

#ActuallyAutistic

Executive dysfunction woes currently, makes getting out of bed extremely difficult and I wish there was something I could do about it. #actuallyautistic

I sometimes see people asking whether they should come out to friends/family. This is how I decide whether I should come out (as nonbinary and autistic, in my case).

If the reason I want to come out is *because I desperately hope for a particular reaction* from the person, like understanding and acceptance, and I'm scared an unfriendly or judgemental reaction might devastate me, then I might not be ready.

If the reason is that *I want the person to know who and what I am*, no matter what their reaction might be, even if their reaction hurts me, then it might be ok for me to come out to that person. I might worry about their reaction, but I know that I still want to tell them even if it's not what I hope.

Of course, my situation is different from other peoples. I have a lot of privilege as a middle class white person who can sort of pass for cis and neurotypical if I have to. So your mileage will definitely vary!

#ActuallyAutistic #nonbinary

original application. We’ll contact you to let you know the outcome."

Reference 59 is the #NDIS legislation 21 (3)
https://classic.austili.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/ndisa2013341/s21.html

So in fact it seems I got turned down because they couldn't process my application in time. How ridiculous. 😤🤯

#Autism #autistic #neurodiverse @actuallyautistic #AutisticBurnout #ActuallyAutistic
@Tooden

@actuallyautistic
#ActuallyAutistic
#actuallyautistic
.
I’ve spent my entire life fixated on them and their problems, the “normal,” people, so much so that I managed to forget my own problems, and my own quite disabled childhood and this kept me masked from myself forever.
.
I was THIS old when I figured this out. 💜

@actuallyautistic I'm not officially diagnosed, but on realizing I'm #ActuallyAutistic in my adult years, it's like now all the truths of what I really face are more prominent, I can actually recognize sensory overload but can't always find my way to fixing it, etc. The masks we put up tend, I think, to mask the truth even from ourselves, then when the truth comes clear, it's another overwhelm all in itself sometimes, because we don't have the buffer we once had.

@actuallyautistic

Much of the difficulty in realising and accepting that we are autistic much later in life comes, in part, from the fact that we have been exposed to so many ableist stereotypes of it through our lifetime. The rest from the reality that much of the information we may have, is either outdated, or such that we struggle to see ourselves in it. It means that we have to spend a considerable amount of effort both in digging out and dealing with our internalised ableism, a somewhat ongoing process for many of us, and also educating ourselves on the reality of what autism is.

Such education quickly reveals that what it mostly is, is a spectrum of difference. It really is true that no two of us are alike. It may only be in the difference in which something affects us, its intensity, or the degree to which it affects our ability to function or cope. Or it may be in the aspects that we experience that others don't and vice versa. We also have to realise that whilst autism is often described by the way that it manifests, in terms of the various traits associated with it. That doesn't mean that you have to manifest all those traits to be autistic. Nor does it mean that there is one and only one way that those traits can look. Each of us, in this, really are different.

To further muddy these waters. The older we are when we begin this process, the longer we've obviously lived. In other words, the longer we have lived with what being autistic meant for us. Not by name obviously, but in terms of the ways we've learnt, as often as not the hard way, what we can and can't do, how we struggle, when we don't, our strengths and our weaknesses. And we haven't just ignored this, as much as possible we've built our lives around it. Obviously not ideally, we didn't always have the knowledge to be able to set the right boundaries, or the paths we should, or shouldn't walk down, regardless of what others wanted from us or even how we thought we should be. But still, as much as we could, we walked a path that was a reaction to what we were. That meant that over time we could learn to hide and compensate, to try and take advantage of our strengths and fear our weaknesses, adjust and compensate. In fact to continually layer the products of false awareness and understandings, of guess work and trial and error, over our behaviours, like papering over a crack, until the original could hardly be seen any more and we could at least get by.

This is why it can be so difficult to realise that you are autistic and everything about it now. So much of what is described is the cause of our behaviour today, but not the behaviour itself. And seeing past that to the root of the behaviour and the way we are and that it can still be different from how others are, is the reason why it takes so long and why so much of it, is still an ongoing process.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

I'm often at a loss for words for things happening inside my body. Physical things, emotional things. I wish I could express them to you but I've not figured out how. I feel hope and despair at once. I feel alienated and overwhelming compassion for people. The words I use juxtapose them but inside me they are one. What should I call these things?
(We can talk about physical stuff another time.)
@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic #feelings #mentalhealth #buddhism (?) #alexithymia (?)

Update on my broken paw.

I saw the physio today. All seems to be healing as well as can be expected and he gave me exactly what I wanted. Which was a series of exercises to help my hand. He did seem slightly mystified as to why I was still wearing the wrist brace, which, as I already knew, is not necessary and seemed somewhat confused with my explanation that it helped me to remember that the hand was injured. Further explanation that I'm not always aware of pain and that I've never met a door frame yet that I haven't eventually bumped into and that I wore it for added protection, for some strange reason, didn't seem to help.

On a further note, coming up to three weeks off work means that I have almost completely lost track of what day it is. I spent all last Tuesday utterly convinced that it was Monday. As a consequence, waking up the next day to find out that it was Wednesday, meant that part of me was utterly convinced that somehow I had been robbed of a day.
All I can say is, given that I spend so much time on here, which one of you bastards did it?

(Although, my money is on that bloody armoured squirrel.)

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

How shitty I am 😅😅😅😅

#autistic #autism #actuallyautistic #nosocialinteraction #nosocial #autistichumor #humor

Got asked by a relative today asking why I don't open up and it's so tough to just say "I'm autistic and I barely expect the majority of people to know my life experiences as is". They have no right to know everything going on in my life in my opinion. #actuallyautistic

Had another nightmare. This time I was in an open plan office. That should be enough to induce a dread emotion 🤨 on top of that I had to rearrange my desk in relation to the ones on either side of me. I had to navigate being autistic with balancing what I needed and trying not be too demanding. This reflects my conversation with a friend yesterday, I know I have multiple packages on my desk at work because even though I go to work, I don't sit at my desk, it's open plan and altogether TOO quiet - people can hear other people BREATHE. I prefer to work at home or in the library. #dream #work #ActuallyAutistic

Autistic people can be trans too. It's not either-or. The transphobes who try to restrict access to gender affirming care on grounds of autism are denying autistic people bodily autonomy. My gender is a valid expression of my autism. I just couldn't make sense of their neurotypical gender fuckery. #trans #actuallyAutistic

Am sitting, waiting for a train after leaving the dentist. One more procedure to go to finish off this new crown. I’m realising just how much I’ve masked & disassociated in the past at the dentist. My last visit was a little awkward. I had a stim toy in one hand. But this time, we kept stopping & the nurse would give me a face & jaw massage (which I liked). And the dentist handed me a squishy stress ball. I think he must’ve done some reading. He seemed a bit more relaxed with me. It was good.

Had to put phone down, cos I got talking to the woman next to me, who was pissed off about the delayed train. Younger than me, very dark glasses, bald, with a walker. Was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer after finally sending off their first poo test. (In Australia, over 50s can sign up for a test, send in a poo sample.) Had to bite my tongue a few times. They have good reason to be pissed off at the world. Then a woman wearing a sunflower lanyard (autism) came along & explained to yet another woman that I was afraid of catching Covid. (I was masked, the only masked person for as far as I’d seen all morning.)

Exhausting, uncomfortable, but not all bad. I hope our chat gave some comfort to the woman living with cancer. We did manage a couple of laughs.

@neurodiversity
#ActuallyAutistic

I just migrated here from SecondUniverse@neurodifferent.me, so as a quick introduction... I am a trans woman. I transitioned back in the nineties before the world declared war on us. I was diagnosed with autism in my fifties, and more recently I have self diagnosed myself as having CPTSD. I post about astronomy, game development, trans issues, mental health, autism, and writing. #trans #actuallyAutistic #writing #mentalHealth #gameDev

Necessary first steps towards dislodging Whiteness as the centre of the neurodiversity framework: decolonial and intersectional critique from Nair, Farah and Boveda.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/13623613241280835

#actuallyAutistic #criticalAutismStudies

John Delmenico‬ ‪@thebigjohnnyd.bsky.social‬ nailed it with a great comment on #autism. My reply: Society is great. If only there weren't all these people. #SharingIsCaring #sharingisthenewlearning#autismnews #autismacceptance #autismawareness #autistic #actuallyautistic #neurodivergent

RE: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:np4hwoauchyvjz537tuvnc6x/post/3ljzdy3lyic2o

Ah, endlich kommt das Buch von Devon Price "Unmasking Autism" auch in Deutsch heraus. Gleich mal vorbestellen.
https://www.thalia.de/shop/home/artikeldetails/A1073793619
#actuallyautistic

owww I've been browsing the store by @AutisticInnovator and there's so many cool stuff there... Gives me an extra reason for wishing I had more money...

I was wondering though, should I ever get rich enough, will it be possible to order from the Netherlands 🇳🇱 (EU), as I only see UK mentioned...

I doubt I'll be rich enough any time soon, as Skoosh needs her yearly TLC next month. But I've bookmarked the site, just in case...

For those (#AuDHD) being interested, the store can be found here: https://shop.autisticinnovator.com/

#ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAuDHD #ActuallyADHD

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 499 , Monday 10/03/2025

Monday started at just before 7am.

Breakfast was followed by some chores that couldn’t wait & then it was back out to the filter bed.

So todays progress:

*Water feed pipework reinstalled.
*About a ⅓ of the gravel cleaned, enough to cover the pipework.
*Trusty stress ball relieved of plugging duty & is back indoors drying out.
*Pump running again & water flow restored.

There are a couple more days of gravel cleaning to go, although it might take longer as the temperatures are due to fall significantly over the next week or so! Also there are a couple of rainy days forecast & I hate working outdoors in the rain!

At some point I will have to replant the filter bed to get the full power of the reed bed back up & running.

A naughty pizza for tea, I need to get back onto something like a decent diet or all this hard work won’t be reflected in my waistline!

Final Thoughts.

Quite pleased with my progress today, although I did have to stamp down hard on myself when I started hyper focusing on getting the pipework routed just so - sometimes I can get too fixated on one aspect of a job to the detriment of the project as a whole. At least now I know I’m doing it & why I’m doing it which goes a long way to being able to correct such behaviours!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Worried how someone will react if you tell them you're autistic? Want some tips to make that conversation go better? And deal with rejection sensitivity if it doesn't?

Perfect timing. I'm hosting a free workshop tomorrow on that.

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/events/

Inclusive. Recorded. Actually free.

#Autism #autistic #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance #autismawareness #AuDHD #neurospicy

2/2

"As well as underdiagnosis, might there also be a risk of overdiagnosis? “I am less worried about that. I think the rates we see today are getting closer to the true rate.”"

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/06/15/simon-baron-cohen-interview-autism-scandal-infected-blood/

#actuallyAutistic #SBC

Are these deficits?

I can certainly see why current human society would frame them as such!

But I have another word for possessing less 'theory of mind'.

Authenticity.
💝

#Neurodivergent #ActuallyAutistic #ASD #Autism #AuDHD

"Theory of mind"

And why it isn't all it's cracked up to be.

A thread.

🧵

#Autistic #ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent #AuDHD #ADHD #Neurodiversity

I realize that a reason that "The Matrix" was so influential to me is that I related so much to "I can dodge bullets." ... "When you're ready, you won't have to." lines

I was realizing in a conversation with my wife that, while she is good at planning many steps ahead, my biggest skill is to see the breadth of possible choices at the current step, including many choices that we are generally told are impossible

I'm not even sure if I have reliable access to this skill, but thanks autism

#actuallyautistic

Autistic traits are usually human traits, so it's really easy to think "well everyone does that so I can't be autistic". Similarly, there might be lots of things you're already doing that look neurotypical but are actually autistic traits. For example, as a long-haired female, I will constantly play with my hair when it's down, which looks "normal" on the outside but is actually a kind of soothing stim.

It tends to be the intensity of a feeling that sets an autistic person apart. That something is that little bit louder or harder or more difficult than a neurotypical person might find it.

People's profiles tend to be really spiky as well. Lots of autistic people thrive in social situations and it fuels them. For others it can be hugely draining and require days of recovery time. There are no rules!

What can be helpful is hanging around the #ActuallyAutistic community, hearing about other people's stories, and seeing what resonates with you.

And whether you get a diagnosis or not, if there's something you don't understand about yourself or want help with, it's almost guaranteed someone else is going through something similar and has some tips. I've learnt so much about my own wiring by talking to people here!

I think the thing im struggling with the most right now, out of lots of things, is the realization that all of this *gestures broadly at the world* is going to take a long time. These are deep seated cultural problems (this is not to say that rapid solutions arent possible, but thats another convo). Im really battling impatience, especially because impatience is so often unhelpful to long term thinking (impatience > frustration > burnout).

Ive been repeating this mantra for myself for about 10 years now: "today can be a good day and im exactly where im supposed to be. Everyday i get a little better; one day at a time". This has been extremely helpful in all the progress ive made, especially given how insurmountable things can seem and how achingly slow progress can look when we view it on a day to day basis. I think im going to start saying it for the world, too.

#ActuallyAutistic #MentalHealth #uspol

Does it matter to you where on the plate various foods are located (12 o'clock, 9 o'clock, etc.)? Does it unsettle you if the plate is square instead of round? Or triangular?

#RandomThoughts #ActuallyAutistic

So what is actually the socially acceptable way to handle meeting a friend or acquaintance in a supermarket or shopping mall? I was doing my weekly grocery shopping today and ran into a friend. We were like "Hey, nice to see you!" "Yeah." "Well, see you on Tuesday!" "Sure thing!" I mean... What else are you supposed to say? We're both obviously busy because we're grocery shopping, we've seen each other extensively two days ago, and will see each other again in three days, like, what do you do? Idle smalltalk in the middle of an isle while we both just want to get our shopping done? Please help an #ActuallyAutistic enby out. 🤣

After a peaceful revolution, it’s decided to install a committee of #ActuallyAutistic people as a Government to sort shit out. 🤨 #TVShowPitches #HashtagGames

It's just as likely to be both parents contributing. The blame game is futile, and harmful. #ActuallyAutistic people are forever fighting a very real prejudice against them. Autistic children need to be protected from ABA and 'cures'.
Knowledge is power. #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs

Ok, one last ditch attempt with for crowdsourcing social work (and please do forgive me if I don't have spoons to reply to your toots, if there even are any).

I'd need a tax lawyer in Ireland (the Republic, that is) who understands disability pensions their international taxation, and could help me pro bono. Due to circumstances I can't affect, Ireland pays a miserly amount of disability pension to me and every year there's some issues with my tax returns. The tax officials are useless, they give me different instructions every time I contact them. As said, I'm on minimum disability pension so I don't have the means to hire anyone to help me with this.

And before anyone suggests these, I've contacted the tax authorities, I've contacted the citizen information and all these other "free" services, each and every one has refused to help me as I am not Irish, I don't live in Ireland, and I'm not even a tax resident in Ireland, and stating that my case is too complicated for them.

And please do not offer your own "well you should do this" or "shouldn't do that" advice, unless you are, in fact, a tax lawyer in Ireland. My apologies for brashness here, but I've dealt with too much goodhearted advice as is in the last few years and don't have spoons to go through those now.

#ireland #disability #actuallyautistic #autism

@actuallyautistic

You don't have to pathologize us as having restricted interests and repetitive behaviors. If you say it like that, of course it sounds bad. Or you could just let us enjoy the comfort of routine and delight in the familiar. Sounds much better when we say it like that, doesn't it?
#ActuallyAutistic

I'm a *very* private person who is also #ActuallyAutistic & I know writers who've crashed & burned after a book of theirs broke out. I'm not sure I would do well with any kind of fame.

Honestly? I'm happy with slow & steady sales with the occasional dopamine hit of a lovely email.

So much of this creative thing is about setting one's own expectations. I feel more than fortunate to have the time & support to write.

(fin)

Today was pretty satisfying. I had a face to face meeting with my supervisor, who was pretty happy with most of my confirmation report. Then I went to the Writers Week talk on #autistic experiences, which was pretty good. Then a meeting, and then got some work done, sent some emails, and am listening to The Framed Women of Ardmore House, a mystery with an autistic lead, by an #ActuallyAutistic author. I’m still tired, sore, jetlagged and freaked out about… everything. But today was pretty nice.

Today I was fiercely reminded of why I feel I was correct as being late self-identified autistic (AuDHD, to be precise).

I was at an Apple Store, and about halfway through my visit, the noise level become overwhelming. And I was expecting an open courtyard-style shopping center, not a huge mall with lots of people. I went into full sensory overload and had more than a bit of a meltdown. I didn't think it was that visible to others, but my friend that I called on the way from there asked what was going on. So I guess I wasn't masking as much as I thought.

This was near the end of a 15 hour day on the road, looking at apartments in my new area.

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic

Wrote another article. This one is based off these 5 Autistic Love Languages graphics I made 2 years ago. I wanted to make an article inclusive of neurodivergent people.

https://shop.autisticinnovator.com/blogs/the-autistic-innovator/5-autistic-neurodivergent-love-languages

#ActuallyAutistic
#ADHD
#neurodivergent

Nothing shakes your feeling of stability like reviewing your internet browsing history of a single day. (Me, recently diagnosed as an AuDHDer).

Nawwwwwwwww, EVERYONE flitters through 30 very different topics in a single calendar day. Right? Right??

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic