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Beiträge, die mit dnd getaggt sind
German, he/him, 40s, living in Poland (#lodz). I work in IT and do some geeky computer stuff on the side (#usenet, #uucp, #irc)
My main hobby are #ttrpgs (#osr #dnd, #traveller, #shadowrun) and similar (#minipainting, #boardgames) but I also do writing and reading (#fantasy, #sf) and #cooking
I will be complaining about #kids, #cats, lack of #coffee, and the general state of the world
I do get weirdly obsessed with topics sometimes. But don't we all?
Toddler's Vicious Snot: This spell initially impacts the member of the party with the lowest HP. It lasts for 2 days. After that it affects all other members of the party, is immune to Healing, and you need a 20+ Con saving throw to recover from it.
Fall Back: This spell interrupts the target's Long Rest one hour too soon. Every time. For about two weeks.
Toddler's Disappearing Accessories: This spell affects hats, gloves, scarves, and boots.
#parenting #DnD
Spells I would like to learn:
Dress Toddler: cantrip that replaces Pajamas with Outside Clothes instantly
Clean Sidewalk: Prestidgitation for the meltdown area, including soundproofing
Find Toy: the one that is immediately needed at bedtime even though we have not played with it for months
Remove the Ew: makes all the "ew" bits disappear from the plate of food (e.g. the shredded cheese from the spaghetti)
Sleep
#parenting #DnD
"Sometimes you have to let the kids get Bored, it's good for their creativity!"
Bored condition for Toddler class:
- Casting Violent Scream is now a cantrip
- Gains a level in Artist with a specialization in Wall Drawing
- Gains reistsance to Power Word NO
- No check needed for finding traps as long as you immediately spring them
- Sibling Toddlers automatically Rage
Parental Short Rest:
- Parent regains 0 HP
- Parent temporarily loses 5 points in Wisdom
#patenting #DnD
Bedtime Disengage. Roll D20.
Nat 1: You fell asleep. Kid left the room.
2-5: You peek. Child is staring back at you like a tarsier.
6-10: You make a move. Child grabs onto a facial feature of choice.
11-15: Leaving the room you step on a toy. Child bolts.
16-19: You make it to the door when a tiny voice calls you back.
Nat 20: You leave the room. Kid's still asleep. Your remaining Adult Brain Function is hours equal to your Con modifier. Halved. Rounded down.
#parenting #DnD
#writing #writingcommunity #typography #font #fonts #humor #humour #dnd #dnd5e #alignment
Sand Shoes: bonus action to put on when the child bolts from the sandbox
Sturdini: sturdy swimwear that can't be unlaced, untied, unclipped, yanked up or yanked down easily
Safe Jewelry: can't be torn off, slipped off, or swallowed by Small creatures and yet adds Charisma bonus
Bottomless Coffee Bottle: can be opened and closed with one hand, comes with Mage Hand while pushing a stroller
#DnD #parenting
Side quests for the campaign titled Deep Cleaning Your Kid's Room:
- Find Paddington's hat (DC 15)
- Find BOTH birds missing from the bird memory card set (not the same bird) (DC 25)
- Sort the Peppa puzzle pieces from the Little Mole puzzle pieces (DC 15). Sort the Little Mole in the Spring puzzle pieces from the Little Mole in the Summer puzzle pieces (DC 30).
- Decide what to do with all 546 unique crayon drawings (DC 30)
#parenting #DnD #ttrpg
"Your toddler skipped a sleep" dungeon design:
1. Everyone has Bardic Inspiration and Haste.
2. Mushroom forest. Everyone is high and everything is funny. Encounter table includes Teletubbies and Peppa.
3. Random encounters. Just. RANDOM.
4. WELCOME TO THE SLUMBERDOME! Two players enter. One stays awake.
5. Demonic possession. Party tries to perform exorcism with soft toys, lavender scent, and prayer.
6. Roll Stealth to get out of the room. If fail, start over.
#parenting #DnD
Bedtime actions for Monk class toddlers:
Akimbo Attack: hits 4 different targets at the same time. Damage 1d6 each.
Compass of Comfort: toddler spins horizontally, with head and feet striking in cardinal directions. Some of those directions are the attending parent's chin, stomach, and private parts.
Rotisserie Escape: twisting out of restraints while twirling.
Projectile V: bonus action, ranged attack. Always catches the target flat-footed and prone.
#parenting #DnD #ttrpg
For your next adventure, design a dungeon based on a Children's Day open air event!
Petting Zoo: You are in a pit. 2d10 Huge creatures are trying to aggressively pet you.
Face Painting: Roll Dex and Athletics to paint the required symbols on a Small moving target.
Bouncy Castle: Enter a swarm of Raging Small Creatures on Difficult Terrain. Good luck.
Candy Booth: Your Small Creature now has 1d6 hours of unlimited Dash actions and Bardic Inspiration.
#ttrpg #rpg #DnD #parenting
Parental Mind Spike: as above, but reserved for parents who are trying to put the toddler to sleep when someone revvs a car engine and blasts music outside.
Damage increases 1d20 with every hour kid has been awake. Also, it's a cantrip now.
Don't say I didn't warn you. 🤬
#parenting #DnD #ToddlerDnD
Tomorrow begins the April Blogging A to Z. I will discuss the 50th Anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons. So today is a guide to the various Editions. #AtoZChallenge #DnD #ttrpg
https://theotherside.timsbrannan.com/2024/03/aatozchallenge2024-sunday-special.html
A huge part of the book is about Palamedes, the Greek hero who got himself completely written out of the Iliad.
For dissing Odysseus too much.
No wonder Odysseus was pissed, there are some great one-liners in there :D
Oh, and the guy invented writing, numbers, and dice. In case you needed a #pagan patron of #DnD players.
#ttrpg #mythology #books
And it hurt me both as a #DnD player and as a storyteller at the same time
THAT DRAGON TALKS, ROLL YOUR PERSUASION CHECK
#ouch #storytelling
Instead of taking a Short Rest, the Toddler class character can spend the equivalent time inside a bubble of self-generated chaos.
During this time, the Toddler regains all HP and spell slots by siphoning them off the adjacent Parent.
Parent characters then temporarily function as zombie familiars until their next Long Rest.
#ToddlerDnD #parenting #DnD
#ToddlerDnD #DnD #parenting
It's a magical threshold between scenes in the adventure. Whichever direction you try to cross over it with the toddler, you automatically enter combat.
#ToddlerDnD #parenting #DnD
"RAWR!"
"Huh?"
"RAWR!"
"HUH?!"
"RAAAWR!"
"Why?"
"RAAAAWR!"
"Why?"
"RAWR!"
"But why?!?!"
In the end the demon got annoyed and left.
New #ToddlerDnD Spell: Vicious Inquiry?
😆
#parenting #DnD #ThisIsYourBrainOnParenting
... Huh. What do you know? Google tells me that issue of Dragon Magazine is available online:
https://annarchive.com/files/Drmg238.pdf
#DnD #mother #parenting
Caught in a Paradox
- simultaneously wants to play outside and refuses to go out the door
- pauses all actions until further notice
Hangry
- automatically entering combat
- can only be cancelled by Create Food and Water
Absorbed
- pulling that pocket zipper up and down and up and down
- immune to all outside stimuli including Power Words
Overexhausted
- has been up since 4:30am
- Rage is a free action
NO
- just no.
#parenting #DnD
"I'm just going to pretend I'm asleep. I'm not going to react to ANYTHING."
Child creature: *Cheerfully walks a plush penguin up my arm and makes it pee in my ear*
Me: *immediately fails all Stealth checks*
😆 🐧
#parenting #DnD #ToddlerDnD
"See, when the sheep's eyes are open and the light is green, it's play time. When she sheep's eyes are closed and the light is red, it's sleep time."
Child, already prying the sheep's eyes open with her hands:
"So if the sheep's eyes are open I don't have to sleep?..."
Me, making mental note:
"... I am not DMing for this kid. Ever." 😅
#parenting #DnD #ToddlerDnD
Child, playing with the color coded dice: "PINK! PINK!"
Me: "That's not how dice work, honey. You can't just tell them what you want to roll."
Child: *rolls (actually rolls) pink 3 times in a row, gives me a shit-eating grin* "PINK!"
Me: "Welp, playing D&D with you will be fun..."
😆
#parenting #ttrpg #dnd
(What class is Santa anyway?...)
#ToddlerDnD #dnd #ttrpg #xmas #parenting
*Long Rest*
Regain all lost hit points
*Short Rest*
Regain hit points equal to constitution modifier + roll
*Naptime Rest*
Regain half of hit points, and spend the other half watching the clock to see how many minutes are left before the kid wakes up
*Husband Is Feeding the Kid Rest*
Poop in Peace
*Peppa Episode Rest*
Summon Coffee (prepared spell)
*Bedtime Rest*
Fall asleep while humming, wake up Disoriented
*Grandparents Are Here Rest*
Pass out for 4 hours
#DnD #parenting
The Holiday Times
No school
No rules
No turns
No long rests
No saving throws
Randomized family encounters
Have fun, everyone 😆
#dnd #holidays #parenting
"I encountered a new legendary weapon... it deals 10d10 acid damage, 5d8 emotional damage to both wielder and victim, temporarily lowers your Wisdom, flays your mind, and transforms a Small creature into a Shrieking Terror."
"Holy hell, what is it called?"
"NASAL SPRAY"
#dnd #parenting
Random Loot Table
Roll D10 when you return home with toddler from a walk and take the winter layers off
1: half a muffin in crumbs
2: cool pebbles
3: suspiciously inactive snail
4: wasn't this your lunch yesterday?
5: CONKERS
6: plush toy but wet
7: two bites of pizza
8: Chthulhu (slightly chewed)
9: toilet paper
10: your keys
#dnd #parenting
Kindergarten Random Encounter Table - Roll D20
1-2: The snots
3-4: The coughs
5-6: The poops
7-8: The barfs
9-10: Pink eye
11-12: The tonsils
13-14: Le childhood illness
15-16: More pink eye
17-19: Kid is fine, roll for yourself
Nat 20: HEAD LICE
Once the encounter is over, take a long rest, go back to work for 2 days, then roll again.
#DnD #parenting
"Do you want this snack?"
"NO!"
"Are you sure? You seem hungry."
"EW!"
"So you are not going to eat this snack?"
"NO! EW!"
"Alright, then I'm eating it.... What are you doing?"
"ROLLING FOR INITIATIVE"
#DnD #parenting
POOP
Toddler cantrip
Material component: IKEA toilet seat
Verbal component: "Mama come see me poop!"
Somatic component: Mama has to see
POOP
Parent cantrip
Material component: 3rd latte this morning
Verbal component: "WHERE IS MOOOOM!"
Somatic component: Toddler has to SEE
#dnd #parenting
"So if I eat all the veggies, and put away the puzzle pieces I spilled, and wash my hands, and go to bed nicely, THEN can I please cast Mage Hand to reach into the TV and pet that dog?"
"For the last time, I am your mother, not your warlock patron."
#dnd #parenting #ttrpg
Giving the toddler a healing potion takes a Dexterity check, a Persuasion roll, a Grapple action, a help action from the spouse, 3-5 rare ingredients, Bardic Inspiration, blessing from three different gods, thunder damage to the ears, multiple rounds of Prestidigitation, and an Alignment check at the end...
#parenting #dnd
"I cast Featherfall."
"You are not a spellcaster."
"FEATHERFALL!"
"That's not..."
"See? Works every time."
"That's because we keep catching you."
#dnd #parenting #ttrpg
"I search the room for loot."
"There is no loot."
"I search again."
"No need. You succeeded your roll. There is no loot in this room."
"I yell NOW."
"Yelling NOW won't make loot appear out of thin air."
"Are you sure? I'm gonna try anyway."
#parenting #dnd #ttrpg