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Beiträge, die mit parenting getaggt sind
When they are screaming the word and also gesturing it, and you still have no idea what they mean.
🤷♀️
#parenting
And then she immediately demanded that all the chips should be picked out of it.
#parenting
Toddler's Vicious Snot: This spell initially impacts the member of the party with the lowest HP. It lasts for 2 days. After that it affects all other members of the party, is immune to Healing, and you need a 20+ Con saving throw to recover from it.
Fall Back: This spell interrupts the target's Long Rest one hour too soon. Every time. For about two weeks.
Toddler's Disappearing Accessories: This spell affects hats, gloves, scarves, and boots.
#parenting #DnD
Spells I would like to learn:
Dress Toddler: cantrip that replaces Pajamas with Outside Clothes instantly
Clean Sidewalk: Prestidgitation for the meltdown area, including soundproofing
Find Toy: the one that is immediately needed at bedtime even though we have not played with it for months
Remove the Ew: makes all the "ew" bits disappear from the plate of food (e.g. the shredded cheese from the spaghetti)
Sleep
#parenting #DnD
Toddler, doing the Downward Facing Dog between the bed and the floor while loudly singing Frére Jacques: what do you mean I am practically asleep
#parenting
Components:
- Material: Copious amounts of soap
- Verbal: I DO IT ALONE!
- Somatic: Wave hands in the general direction of water without actually touching it. Let soap drip down, then wave hands under water without rubbing, or washing off soap.
Casting time: 5 sec to eterinty
Duration: 1-3 min (until next encounter with difficult terrain, food, or small creature)
Effect: Toddler hands are clean on a spiritual level. Parent gets -2 Wisdom.
#parenting
Any person who asks a parent "are you planning on having more kids soon?" automatically owes one full day of babysitting the existing offspring.
Make this a thing.
#parenting
Bedtime Disengage. Roll D20.
Nat 1: You fell asleep. Kid left the room.
2-5: You peek. Child is staring back at you like a tarsier.
6-10: You make a move. Child grabs onto a facial feature of choice.
11-15: Leaving the room you step on a toy. Child bolts.
16-19: You make it to the door when a tiny voice calls you back.
Nat 20: You leave the room. Kid's still asleep. Your remaining Adult Brain Function is hours equal to your Con modifier. Halved. Rounded down.
#parenting #DnD
- Mom, I can reach the button!
- Good job, honey.
- But I can't reach the other one.
- That's ok, the other one is the red button, we don't push that.
- Why?
- Because you can only use it when there's something wrong.
- Something's wrong!
- What's wrong?
- I can't reach the red button!
😆
#parenting
Sand Shoes: bonus action to put on when the child bolts from the sandbox
Sturdini: sturdy swimwear that can't be unlaced, untied, unclipped, yanked up or yanked down easily
Safe Jewelry: can't be torn off, slipped off, or swallowed by Small creatures and yet adds Charisma bonus
Bottomless Coffee Bottle: can be opened and closed with one hand, comes with Mage Hand while pushing a stroller
#DnD #parenting
Side quests for the campaign titled Deep Cleaning Your Kid's Room:
- Find Paddington's hat (DC 15)
- Find BOTH birds missing from the bird memory card set (not the same bird) (DC 25)
- Sort the Peppa puzzle pieces from the Little Mole puzzle pieces (DC 15). Sort the Little Mole in the Spring puzzle pieces from the Little Mole in the Summer puzzle pieces (DC 30).
- Decide what to do with all 546 unique crayon drawings (DC 30)
#parenting #DnD #ttrpg
Where are the resources for #neurodivergent parents who are raising neurotypical children?
(Or any children really)
Like, there is so much literature on parenting ND kids, but the other way around is one hell of a ride too.
#parenting #psychology #ADHD
The comments are all along the lines of
"Keeping your house tidy is easy! I enjoy doing it so much! You just have to know where the place of everything is, and you have to put things back in their place every time!"
...
...
...
I think I might have pulled an optical nerve rolling my eyes.
#parenting #SocialMedia #WTF #Facebook #nope
"Your toddler skipped a sleep" dungeon design:
1. Everyone has Bardic Inspiration and Haste.
2. Mushroom forest. Everyone is high and everything is funny. Encounter table includes Teletubbies and Peppa.
3. Random encounters. Just. RANDOM.
4. WELCOME TO THE SLUMBERDOME! Two players enter. One stays awake.
5. Demonic possession. Party tries to perform exorcism with soft toys, lavender scent, and prayer.
6. Roll Stealth to get out of the room. If fail, start over.
#parenting #DnD
1. Leroy Jenkins
2. Stitch
3. TikTok feed
4. Batman villain
5. Dilophosaurus
6. Pazuzu
#parenting
Bedtime actions for Monk class toddlers:
Akimbo Attack: hits 4 different targets at the same time. Damage 1d6 each.
Compass of Comfort: toddler spins horizontally, with head and feet striking in cardinal directions. Some of those directions are the attending parent's chin, stomach, and private parts.
Rotisserie Escape: twisting out of restraints while twirling.
Projectile V: bonus action, ranged attack. Always catches the target flat-footed and prone.
#parenting #DnD #ttrpg
For your next adventure, design a dungeon based on a Children's Day open air event!
Petting Zoo: You are in a pit. 2d10 Huge creatures are trying to aggressively pet you.
Face Painting: Roll Dex and Athletics to paint the required symbols on a Small moving target.
Bouncy Castle: Enter a swarm of Raging Small Creatures on Difficult Terrain. Good luck.
Candy Booth: Your Small Creature now has 1d6 hours of unlimited Dash actions and Bardic Inspiration.
#ttrpg #rpg #DnD #parenting
Parental Mind Spike: as above, but reserved for parents who are trying to put the toddler to sleep when someone revvs a car engine and blasts music outside.
Damage increases 1d20 with every hour kid has been awake. Also, it's a cantrip now.
Don't say I didn't warn you. 🤬
#parenting #DnD #ToddlerDnD
#parenting
I would ace that so hard.
#parenting
Child, your mother can't tell a Trabant from a limousine. 😅
#parenting
They love Max and Moritz. It's an old German book with two really naughty boys than play pranks on everyone and finish by being baked like buns! 🤯
My German grandmother read it to them once and they can't get enough. I think it's gruesome 😬
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_and_Moritz
#toothfairy #parenting #gruesome #fairytale
#parenting
It was like giving a fae my true name. She had immediate, absolute power over me.
Did she abuse it?
Obviously.
😅😅😅
#parenting
#parenting #music #HazbinHotel
#ImNotGonnaSayItNotGonnaSayItNotGonnaSayItNotGonnaSayIt
#parenting
At one point, after a lot of adventures, someone burst into the room yelling "I know who it is! It was..."
And then the kid yelled MOOOM and I woke up. It was 5:50am.
😅😅😅
If this is not a perfect description of being a parent I don't know what is.
#parenting #dreams
Instead of taking a Short Rest, the Toddler class character can spend the equivalent time inside a bubble of self-generated chaos.
During this time, the Toddler regains all HP and spell slots by siphoning them off the adjacent Parent.
Parent characters then temporarily function as zombie familiars until their next Long Rest.
#ToddlerDnD #parenting #DnD
#ToddlerDnD #DnD #parenting
"Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb
MOLE PEE!
*raspberry*
Where is Ms Vicky?
Okay
I am shy
INCY VINCY SPIDER
*more raspberries*
Is this cheese?
CHEESE!
*wookie noises*
Cocomelon
Yes yes no
Ford! Opel!
Cow goes mooo
Sleepy..."
Basically, between asking for one more cup of water, and passing out, she turns into #TikTok. 😂
#parenting
It's a magical threshold between scenes in the adventure. Whichever direction you try to cross over it with the toddler, you automatically enter combat.
#ToddlerDnD #parenting #DnD
"RAWR!"
"Huh?"
"RAWR!"
"HUH?!"
"RAAAWR!"
"Why?"
"RAAAAWR!"
"Why?"
"RAWR!"
"But why?!?!"
In the end the demon got annoyed and left.
New #ToddlerDnD Spell: Vicious Inquiry?
😆
#parenting #DnD #ThisIsYourBrainOnParenting
... Huh. What do you know? Google tells me that issue of Dragon Magazine is available online:
https://annarchive.com/files/Drmg238.pdf
#DnD #mother #parenting
Caught in a Paradox
- simultaneously wants to play outside and refuses to go out the door
- pauses all actions until further notice
Hangry
- automatically entering combat
- can only be cancelled by Create Food and Water
Absorbed
- pulling that pocket zipper up and down and up and down
- immune to all outside stimuli including Power Words
Overexhausted
- has been up since 4:30am
- Rage is a free action
NO
- just no.
#parenting #DnD