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Beiträge, die mit Parenting getaggt sind
"I'm just going to pretend I'm asleep. I'm not going to react to ANYTHING."
Child creature: *Cheerfully walks a plush penguin up my arm and makes it pee in my ear*
Me: *immediately fails all Stealth checks*
😆 🐧
#parenting #DnD #ToddlerDnD
#parenting
"See, when the sheep's eyes are open and the light is green, it's play time. When she sheep's eyes are closed and the light is red, it's sleep time."
Child, already prying the sheep's eyes open with her hands:
"So if the sheep's eyes are open I don't have to sleep?..."
Me, making mental note:
"... I am not DMing for this kid. Ever." 😅
#parenting #DnD #ToddlerDnD
Child, playing with the color coded dice: "PINK! PINK!"
Me: "That's not how dice work, honey. You can't just tell them what you want to roll."
Child: *rolls (actually rolls) pink 3 times in a row, gives me a shit-eating grin* "PINK!"
Me: "Welp, playing D&D with you will be fun..."
😆
#parenting #ttrpg #dnd
This will be a fun conversation with the kiddo in the morning 😂
#MomIsOnTheNaughtyList #parenting
(St. Nick's Day, kindergarten St. Nick, kindergarten Santa Clause, home Santa Claus, assorted relative's Clauses... 🎅 🎅 🎅 )
#Christmas #Santa #parenting #culture #tradition
(What class is Santa anyway?...)
#ToddlerDnD #dnd #ttrpg #xmas #parenting
*Long Rest*
Regain all lost hit points
*Short Rest*
Regain hit points equal to constitution modifier + roll
*Naptime Rest*
Regain half of hit points, and spend the other half watching the clock to see how many minutes are left before the kid wakes up
*Husband Is Feeding the Kid Rest*
Poop in Peace
*Peppa Episode Rest*
Summon Coffee (prepared spell)
*Bedtime Rest*
Fall asleep while humming, wake up Disoriented
*Grandparents Are Here Rest*
Pass out for 4 hours
#DnD #parenting
The Holiday Times
No school
No rules
No turns
No long rests
No saving throws
Randomized family encounters
Have fun, everyone 😆
#dnd #holidays #parenting
(Also I'm pretty sure she chose shrimp because her dad is Cajun and she sees it as yummy. 😅 )
#animals #nature #parenting #advent
What the heck.
#storytelling #parenting #Christmas #StorytellingPSA
Can anyone suggest books or resources for #neurodivergent parents parenting neurotypical children?
Is this even a field of study that exists? Or just ND people as parents in general?
#parenting #representation #adhd #autism
Affirmation Stickers for Kids!
"A woman's beauty is one of her great missions."
No one warned me about entering a parallel freaking universe when I had a daughter.
😬😬
"I encountered a new legendary weapon... it deals 10d10 acid damage, 5d8 emotional damage to both wielder and victim, temporarily lowers your Wisdom, flays your mind, and transforms a Small creature into a Shrieking Terror."
"Holy hell, what is it called?"
"NASAL SPRAY"
#dnd #parenting
Random Loot Table
Roll D10 when you return home with toddler from a walk and take the winter layers off
1: half a muffin in crumbs
2: cool pebbles
3: suspiciously inactive snail
4: wasn't this your lunch yesterday?
5: CONKERS
6: plush toy but wet
7: two bites of pizza
8: Chthulhu (slightly chewed)
9: toilet paper
10: your keys
#dnd #parenting
Kindergarten Random Encounter Table - Roll D20
1-2: The snots
3-4: The coughs
5-6: The poops
7-8: The barfs
9-10: Pink eye
11-12: The tonsils
13-14: Le childhood illness
15-16: More pink eye
17-19: Kid is fine, roll for yourself
Nat 20: HEAD LICE
Once the encounter is over, take a long rest, go back to work for 2 days, then roll again.
#DnD #parenting
"Do you want this snack?"
"NO!"
"Are you sure? You seem hungry."
"EW!"
"So you are not going to eat this snack?"
"NO! EW!"
"Alright, then I'm eating it.... What are you doing?"
"ROLLING FOR INITIATIVE"
#DnD #parenting
😅😅😅
POOP
Toddler cantrip
Material component: IKEA toilet seat
Verbal component: "Mama come see me poop!"
Somatic component: Mama has to see
POOP
Parent cantrip
Material component: 3rd latte this morning
Verbal component: "WHERE IS MOOOOM!"
Somatic component: Toddler has to SEE
#dnd #parenting
....
Dammit, I'm my own child's Jaskier.
#TossASnackToYourToddler
#parenting #TheWitcher #ToddlerDnD
"So if I eat all the veggies, and put away the puzzle pieces I spilled, and wash my hands, and go to bed nicely, THEN can I please cast Mage Hand to reach into the TV and pet that dog?"
"For the last time, I am your mother, not your warlock patron."
#dnd #parenting #ttrpg
"It only takes a little self esteem to wear skirts and heels even as a tired mom!" - writes the blogger who clearly never gets into the sandbox with the kid, or carries the stroller on public transport.
🙄
#parenting
Giving the toddler a healing potion takes a Dexterity check, a Persuasion roll, a Grapple action, a help action from the spouse, 3-5 rare ingredients, Bardic Inspiration, blessing from three different gods, thunder damage to the ears, multiple rounds of Prestidigitation, and an Alignment check at the end...
#parenting #dnd
"One day the baby will learn to speak and then we will know what he wants."
😂
#parenting
"I cast Featherfall."
"You are not a spellcaster."
"FEATHERFALL!"
"That's not..."
"See? Works every time."
"That's because we keep catching you."
#dnd #parenting #ttrpg
"I search the room for loot."
"There is no loot."
"I search again."
"No need. You succeeded your roll. There is no loot in this room."
"I yell NOW."
"Yelling NOW won't make loot appear out of thin air."
"Are you sure? I'm gonna try anyway."
#parenting #dnd #ttrpg
"You are out of spell slots and low on HP. What would you like to do? Long rest?"
"No."
"Short rest?"
"No."
"Potion?"
"No."
"Then what's the plan?"
"I RAGE."
#parenting #dnd
"The innkeeper hands you a cup of his finest wine."
"What color is the cup?"
"Blue."
"I RAGE."
"The Wizard is casting Sleep. You immediately fall asleep."
"No I don't."
"You have the lowest HP in the party."
"I'M IMMUNE, B***ES!"
"It's a Gelatinous Cube."
"I lick it."
"It's very dangerous!"
"I'm already licking it."
#ttrpg #parenting #ToddlerDnD
Me, munching on secret chocolate: "... nothing."
Toddler: "Mom, open your mouth!"
Me: .... *chews faster*
😅
#parenting
#sarcasm
#parenting #DaylightSavingTime
#parenting