https://theunaustralian.net/2024/11/20/alan-who-asks-gina-when-questioned-about-the-disgraced-shock-jock/

QUOTE BEGINS

Australia’s richest person, Gina Rinehart, when asked about disgraced former shock jock, Alan Jones, has replied, ”Alan Who?” Despite the former broadcaster at one time being featured prominently on Ms Rinehart’s companies website.

”A beloved national treasure like myself meets an awful lot of people, sadly, I don’t remember them all,” said Ms Rinehart. ”This Alan chap, judging by the charges I have a feeling that I’m not his usual type.”

”Maybe my Son knows him, I’d ask, but would have to do so through our lawyers.”

When asked why she had seemingly ditched Alan Jones and scrubbed him from her life, Ms Rinehart said: ”Again, I don’t know the chap, I’ve seen the photo of him and I and it rings no bells.”

”Now, enough about this Alan fellow let’s talk about more important matters like Me and everything that is mine.”

QUOTE ENDS

#satire #AusPol #hypocrisy #Gina #AlanJones

https://chaser.com.au/general-news/nurses-try-tasering-elderly-patients-to-secure-pay-rise/

QUOTE BEGINS

In a drastic move to finally secure an equitable wage increase, Nurses in NSW have been electrocuting elderly patients at the first sign of any non-compliance.

“We just want to be treated as essential workers,” said nurse Angela brandishing a high voltage stun gun, “apparently this is the kind of stuff that gives you a 40% pay rise here.”

“So if any of our patients are giving us grief, even if they’re not a threat we say ‘Bugger it’ and hit them with 50,000 volts.”

Nurses across NSW have also taken to escalating situations, intimidating protestors, protecting Neo-Nazi’s and insisting on strip searching every young woman they see.

NSW Premier Chris Minns has said it makes total sense to give police quadruple the pay rise they’ve offered nurses.

“Look, just because a nurse requires 3 times the training that a police officer does doesn’t mean they’re entitled to the same pay. We need our police, those lower income areas wont intimidate themselves, you know.”

“We all remember when the true heroes of the pandemic saved the day, it’s time we reward those police for their hard work.”

QUOTE ENDS

#satire #AusPol #nswPol #WomensRights #ShitParty #ShitLiteParty #FsckOffDutton #WhyIsLabor #NoNukes #VoteGreens #sexism #hypocrisy

https://www.betootaadvocate.com/breaking-news/australian-media-forgets-to-follow-up-on-that-bombshell-story-that-conveniently-broke-on-us-election-day-about-coalition-senator-mckenzie-also-asking-for-a-fuckload-of-free-flight-upgrades-from-qantas/

QUOTE BEGINS

In some news from home soil, the Australian media has seemingly somehow missed a big story this week.

With the eyes of the western world on the United States of America over the last few days, the frenzied defenders of transparency and accountability that are our own media, have somehow missed the revelations that the Shadow Transport Minister forgot to declare that she asked for an absolute fuckload of free upgrades – including for ‘personal trips,’ aka holidays…

Bridget McKenzie revealed on Wednesday this week (what the hell, what crazy timing) that she had actually received 16 free upgrades for domestic and overseas trips.

This comes after she claimed to have never received any complimentary airline upgrades, less than a week ago.

Her perfectly timed revelations came off the back of a week of headlines hammering the Prime Minister for getting free travel upgrades.

He was also hammered for having the number of the CEO of the biggest airline in the country whilst he held the role of the nation’s transport minister – something which would never happen in any other industry or portfolio….

The Prime Minister came out to reveal that he never asked for any actual upgrades, ending the news cycle, because the nation’s journalists didn’t really want to write stories clarifying that for some reason.

Similarly to Bridget McKenzie’s free upgrades, that definitely didn’t influence her role on the panel of the enquiry into Qantas’ behaviour in the Australian market.

Speaking to one of News Corp’s journalists in the lobby of Parliament House, the man who spent an entire week trying to have Albanese sacked for travel perks said this Bridget McKenzie stuff was just a harmless mistake.

“Mate, she’s a politician, if she wants to fly at the front of the plane who am I to begrudge her…” he said.

“Besides, she’s come clean, there’s nothing to see here.”

QUOTE ENDS

#satire #AusPol #ClimateCrisis #WomensRights #ShitParty #ShitLiteParty #FsckOffDutton #WhyIsLabor #NoNukes #VoteGreens

https://www.betootaadvocate.com/headlines/liberals-expecting-big-swings-in-northern-rivers-and-blue-mountains-after-vowing-to-protect/

QUOTE BEGINS

The Albanese government’s revamped bill to tackle online misinformation and disinformation has been criticised as a “complete mess” and “as dangerous as 1984” in thousands of Liberal Party press releases that have been published verbatim on all of the major mastheads.

Australia’s struggling commercial news publishers, the vast majority who are now openly backing Peter Dutton, are faced with an existential crisis.

Do they provide balanced coverage for a bill that aims to crack down on the online platforms that have eroded the media landscape with complete bullshit being presented as real news?

Or do they go down the nihilistic path of platforming every conspiracy that the Liberal Party spews out of their arse because they’d rather the rest of Australia goes down with them in this swirling vortex of parasocial schizophrenia?

It’s a tough one. The 2023 referendum that divided the nation into hardworking Aussies and communists Aboriginal elites was so good for clicks. But the right-wing’s ability to ‘flood the zone’ with complete misinformation is also killing their business model.

It is not known yet whether the Australian media turn will this thing into another partisan assault on the Government, like they just failed to do with Qantas Flight Upgrades saga – or if they will actually let politicians debate bills in Parliament without legitimising the cookers who are still fucked in the brain from the pandemic.

What is clear is that the Liberals think opposing this bill, months after wholeheartedly supporting it, is another chance to take some bark off the Prime Minister.

Peter Dutton’s initial support of this bill received backlash from his own base of brain-rot Liberal Party branch members, whose occasional exposure to Sky News is the closest thing they’ll ever get to balanced media consumption.

But with nothing else in the toolbelt except for a trillion dollar nuclear power plan that terrifies both conspiracists and mentally well people alike, it seems they have no option but to hope they can degrade public debate surrounding misinformation to the point where Australians decide they are sick of hearing about it.

“Whether this is actually good for Australia doesn’t really matter” says one Liberal Party insider.

“We might be able to snatch a few seats in the Blue Mountians and Northern Rivers if we play this pro-misinformation campaign right.”

“Those hillbillies really are concerned about fluoride and 5G aren’t they. Haha”

QUOTE ENDS

#satire #AusPol #ClimateCrisis #WomensRights #ShitParty #ShitLiteParty #FsckOffDutton #WhyIsLabor #NoNukes #VoteGreens

https://theunaustralian.net/2024/11/08/rinehart-orders-dutton-to-get-an-orange-spray-tan-asap/

QUOTE BEGINS

Peter Dutton’s traditional owner, Gina Rinehart, has taken time out of her Donald Trump themed celebrations to get on the phone and demand that her favourite toy, Dutton, get an orange spray tan ASAP.

”As leader of the Coalition I answer to no one, however, when someone who I respect, like Gina, has a suggestion I listen,” said the leader of the Opposition. ”It might be on my choice of clothes, colour of spray tan, lowering taxes on mining or heck she may just want to ask me to jump.”

”To which I always say, how high?”

When asked if it were right that the leader of the Opposition was so beholden to a billionaire, the Opposition leader said: ”Gina Rinehart is one of the greatest Australians to have ever lived, besmirch her again and you will be one of the first up against the wall.”

”This country needs people like Gina to carry it on their back and move it in the right direction.”

”I promise the Australian people that I will always be by Gina’s side, as long as the cheque clears.”

QUOTE ENDS

#satire #AusPol #ClimateCrisis #WomensRights #ShitParty #ShitLiteParty #FsckOffDutton #WhyIsLabor #NoNukes #VoteGreens

https://theunaustralian.net/2024/11/01/gina-defends-dutton-calling-him-the-best-politician-that-money-can-buy/

QUOTE BEGINS

Australia’s richest women, who is still in contact with one of her four children, Gina Rinehart, has come out strongly to defend beleaguered Opposition leader, Peter Dutton. Declaring him the best politician in Australia that money could buy.

”Peter is just fantastic, I say jump and he says how high, madam,” gushed Ms Rinehart. ”That awful Albanese fellow is not like that.”

”Why he had the nerve to not answer any of my calls and flat out refused to nuke the National gallery.”

When asked if she felt it was right that a potential Prime Minister in Dutton was seemingly beholden to her, Ms Rinehart responded: ”Rubbish, he’s not the first politician to be besotted with me.”

”I am simply little Gina from the block, some have a little I have a lot.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be off to meet with dear Peter, after he’s done trimming my hedges I plan to let him in on what he should to the poor when he becomes PM.”

QUOTE ENDS

#satire #AusPol #hypocrisy #corruption #ShitParty #ShitLiteParty #FsckOffDutton #WhyIsLabor #NoNukes #VoteGreens